About six years ago, I was strolling along the beach with my three kids, who were 6 and under.
If you were dating someone who has been divorced TWICE....
I overheard a woman talking to her friends. She was shielding her face from the sun as she talked to them under her magazine. She went on to say how her mother told her she would be fine, as long as she took the time to go through all the stages of divorce and grieve properly. She then told her friends how her ex had been dating several women but had recently started coming back around to her, wanting forgiveness and to start over. I needed to hear the rest of her story, so I stopped and distracted my kids with some shells a few feet next to them so I could listen.
After they gently alluded to the fact his behavior seemed to be that of a man who was having an affair, my world turned inside out. The person I had married, loved, and trusted was sleeping with another woman. I wanted to leave my marriage. I was hoping that woman could fix me that day. And she kind of did. While it took me six years to leave, I will always remember her, and the story she was telling.
No one likes to feel this kind of loneliness.
My ex admitted he signed up for Tinder the night he moved out. He was dating three different women within a week, and after a month, got very serious with one of those women. He is still with her now, and while I am happy he has found someone because it makes me feel less guilty, everyone keeps telling me he is making a mistake and just using this woman to mask his emotions.
I just know I truly want my ex to take the time he needs to get over the damage divorce leaves — because no matter who you are, you have scars from this. One of the reasons is that more often than not, women have the children more than their ex. Evil Genius , Feb 1, May 21, Messages: I think there are always exceptions to the rules but on the whole the rule if you will when I hear that someone has been divorced, two, three times it certainly makes me pause and I definately start wondering about the common denominator.
How to Date a Newly Divorced Man
But that's just me. ForTheLoveofDisney , Feb 1, Jun 8, Messages: I would never date a guy like that.
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I'd assume either the guy was a total train wreck or had the absolute worst judgment ever and neither are qualities I find appealing because I don't want to be a part of someone else''s learning curve. Don't get me wrong, I get that some people have stuff going on and I can be sympathetic about it, but the OP asked the question "If you were dating" After all, one of you has to be messed up, it it isn't you who else does that leave?
Nothing you do or say to any woman would every pry her off some guy she is convinced is her Prince Charming. Most woman believe in fairy tales and that it all went wrong before just because it wasn't 'meant to be'. I say save your breath and count your blessings that he's gone. Still, on the less cynical side: One of my cousins, a beautiful normally smart woman, married a guy who had been divorced 3 times, making her 4. He was pretty well off but had 3 families of kids he was supporting. When they met in the late 80's she was recently divorced working as a school bus driver with 2 young kids.
I thought she was crazy when she married him but they're still together and she seems happy, and he helped her raise her kids to be successful, one's an Dr and the other is a clothes designer Sometimes things play out in the strangest ways. LuvOrlando , Feb 1, Jul 1, Messages: My exDH's first GF used to call me quite frequently. The stories he told her just didn't quite add up for her.
She would tell them to me and have me scratching my head and thinking WTH!!!! He was quite a story twister!!!! It got to the point that she would keep me on the phone for LONG periods of time, and it was getting old for me. Thank God they broke up and the phone calls ended.
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Jan 25, Messages: Never been divorced or married to someone divorced, but I know people divorced more than once. I think some men pick the same type of women, women they just don't get along with. And nope, I would never want to talk to the ex wife. No point, since she wouldn't be me. DMRick , Feb 1, Well, this particular man is not controlling, he is just a big baby. He wants what he wants when he wants it. SO, if he gets paid, he will go buy what he wants before paying his bills and then cry to someone about not having money for the bills.
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When love is new, the gf gives in and gives him the money and he is all lovey dovey and just the best boyfriend you could ever have. Maybe this will work out if a woman has infinite money and patience, but he isn't getting any younger or more attractive, and has been "trading down" each time LOL. Jan 20, Messages: I was engaged to a guy who was divorced twice and lived with him for two years.
I often wondered what his exes would have to say but having been someone who an ex did call the things she was saying seemed very petty and more like she was just trying to have him be alone for the rest of his life not an ex of the guy I was engaged to, a previous boyfriend or vent to someone.
Anyways, I broke things off with the guy I was engaged to and living with not over anything I think I could've been warned about just differences in life direction and differences in personality but we got along great. That was 5 years ago and I recently found out he's been married 2 times since and is now divorced again at I almost feel sorry for him. I think most people have to learn things on their own and everyone is different in every relationship.
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I've never had the same relationship twice or have I been the same person in every relationship. NeverlandClub23 , Feb 1, Aug 12, Messages: I would say yes. If possible find out what happened. I can't say more because the person who went thru the nightmare happening to her after she found out from the ex that the same thing happened to her might be joining the boards. But trust me, a leopard doesn't change their spots. GaSleepingBeautyFan , Feb 1, Aug 29, Messages: I was the third wife to my ex-husband. Our marriage lasted 7 years, he was a great guy but not a great husband.
He and his 4th wife have been married 25 years now, have 2 wonderful sons. Leopards can change their spots if they really want to. Pakey , Feb 1, No, I would never want to call the exes to see what happened, just like I would never think to call ex girlfriends either. Every relationship is different, and if it were totally the man's fault for the failed relationships, I'm sure I'd find out why all on my own.
In all honestly, if I were to date someone who had been divorced 2 times already, I probably wouldn't be going into the relationship looking for marriage anyway, and I wouldn't hold multiple divorces against anyone who wanted to try dating again. Feb 20, Messages: Jun 9, Messages: No - I wouldn't want to speak to the exes of a man I was dating, even if he'd been divorced twice.
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